Sunday, October 31, 2010

all hollow's woof

halloween is basically the only holiday that matters. i say this probably because i'm so good at it.

two years ago, i went as a gloryhole:

last year, i went as your first accidental orgasm:

this year, i went as...

a leather daddy ghost. i figured i'd make use of my harness since it's my new favorite successory.

so, what were you guys? how was your halloween????

Friday, October 29, 2010

hitch 'em up.

i'm taking adam out for his birthday tonight and we're going to Daniel. jackets are required. now, i have no shortage of jackets but you know i relish in the opportunity to wear a full suit.

i thought i had a problem with this jil sander suit because the pants hit me at a funny spot. funny for me, at least, because i generally wear my pants pretty low (it's the "left eye" lopez in me). but rather than pulling up the pants and hiding the waist with my sweater, i thought i'd just put it all out there by tucking my shirt and sweater in and slapping a faggy belt on it.
jil sander suit + sweater / +J uniqlo shirt / apc belt / dries van noten shoes / vintage helmut lang briefcase

the belt is a new purchase (pre-my shopping moratorium. did i tell you guys i actually gave myself a clothing budget this year? I'LL BE A RECESSIONISTA, YET!!!!!!!!!) from APC. i haven't really liked anything from APC in a while, but this double layer fat/skinny belt is on-point.

the half-navy, half-gray sweater i got from the last jil sander sample sale, and i finally didn't eat a big enough dinner last night to wear it out of the house.

i think i'm pretty into it. it would also go well with any potential in-betweener costume.

also, a head's up: today is the last day of the jil sander sample sale. everything was 90-95% off but dude selection was pretty slim. i'm assuming by now, most stuff is picked over but head over cuz shit was CHEAPPPPPPPPP. i only grabbed a couple ties and a t-shirt and some presents for my sisters this time around. crosby and howard sts. GOOOOOOOO.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

i need a haircut

an unseasonably warm fall is giving my autumn wardrobe blue balls. all i want to do is wear giant wooly sweaters and longjohns and look like an anti-technology manifesto-writing recluse but THIS 70 DEGREE WEATHER WILL NOT COOPERATE.

luckily, i have some impractical fall clothing that wears like summer clothing. like the aran sweater i chopped off the sleeves to:
Outfit Double
Outfit Detail
cut-off sweater / thrift gap shirt / uniqlo jeans / sambas

don't i look like a faggot-y irish 50s street tough? no? well, ok.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

lord chaos and master order

i am usually NOT a fan of movado watches (they generally look so american-born asian striver), but these new bold chronographs are pretty fantastic.

the white is pretty much perfect, like something out of a terrence koh wet dream. and it's good, because any splooge would blend right in. the black is also nice because you know i would get the white dirty as fuck. they are kind of like those monochrome'd nixon watches but taken to an extreme-er.

i should totally get one of each, wear them on either wrist and go as the in-betweener for halloween:

and i would, if i weren't on a shopping moratorium. i'm actually giving myself a budget this year and saving myself for my most precious sales of the year: the IF basement sale, the barney's sale, and one special one that starts tomorrow...

Monday, October 25, 2010


it's halloween week so i mark this occasion with my favorite picture i ever took in the world, probably 8 years ago now, outside a bodega in astoria.


ps. i know i've posted this before, but no one read my blog then and it's still so good so.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

serious advice

hi guys!! just wanted to tell you that i have a new post up on videogum about terry richardson's disgusting photos of the cast of glee.

also, as a special bonus (punishment), here is another post i wrote for videogum that didn't have a chance to go up, so i'm posting it here. it's about mad men!


Mad Men has been lauded by its fans and the press since it premiered three seasons ago. And why not? It's FAB-U-LOUS! But lost in the laurels and admiration bestowed upon its totally consistent characterizations of real life people and its decided avoidance of the use of obtuse moodiness in lieu of actual substance has been a discussion of the fashion of the show! It's been really surprising the total and utter lack of attention paid to the costumes and art direction of the show by the popular press. It's like everyone's been so enraptured and dazzled by the substance of the show (those meaningful glances are so full of meaning!) that they haven't noticed its fantastic style!! But just because the magazines and weblogs have heretofore ignored and left the styling of the show for dead, like some discarded Jeffrey Campbell clog on a sale rack in a future Buffalo Exchange two years from now, doesn't mean we can't get inspiration from it now!

One of the hottest looks for Fall this season is dressing like a decade that is not the current decade, and Mad Men is the perfect place to start. Here's how to get that perfect groovy 60s look of two of the hippest characters on the show.

This stunning bombshell has curves in all the right places (YOU know the places I'm talking about, Ladies!) and her oversized cannonball into the swimming pool of fashion has sent trendspiring ripples from Milan to Mulan. Everyone from Prada to Louis Vuitton to Contempo Casuals has declared it the season of the curvy girl, saying, 'Forget all you know about what we've been telling you about what we wanted you to think was sexy for the last 20 years! Real women have curves (this season)! Girl power (for now)! Traveling pants!' You could say this buxom beauty was the start of it all. If you haven't guessed it already, our first inspiration for today is Carla, Don Draper's domestic assistant!


For Fall 2010 both Prada and Louis Vuitton sent out a great variety of thin models and slightly curvier thin models in 50s and 60s inspired dresses, just like the kind on Mad Men! This full-skirted Louis Vuitton dress would be perfect for Carla to wear to a swinging cocktail party if she hadn't been the one having to serve drinks.


But because she would definitely have been the one serving drinks, she (and we!) will just have to, as they say, make it work! Time to take the runway to the food services way!! Here's one way she (and you!) can get that Louis Vuitton Look for Less: this stunning black and white broadcloath dress gives the same feel as the Louis Vuitton dress and, on sale for $27.95, at a fraction of the price!


To accentuate the hips of the dress a la the LV version, just shop your closet -- your utility closet, that is! Simply stuff them with the rough one-ply toilet paper easily available in utility closets or maids' quarters! To further emphasize that tiny tiny waist of yours (because, remember, the only desirable kind of curvy is the curvy that has a small waist!), we recommend adding a great statement belt! Carla always dresses very practically, so this fantastic wide black pocketed waist belt would be perfect! It'll help define your waist and give you a chic place to put your extra sponges! Complete the look with a pop of color like these red rubber gloves from Crate & Barrel (a steal at $10.95!) and you'll be able to handle ANYTHING the day throws at you! Anything!

In addition, this dress can easily be taken from day to night by simply adding a jaunty hat and a smoky, sleep-deprived eye! We recommend this Chanel Enigma Eyeshadow Quad! At only $56, it'll give you that look of trying to support a family on two below minimum wage jobs while avoiding having to do the work and getting dish-pan hands! The hotel guests at your second job will never guess you worked all day at your first job in this dress only to clean up their messes now!

Our second inspirational look is at the center of the civil rights revolution that's at the heart of the new season. The show has come to a pivotal point in American history (or should we say "herstory," right, bell.hooks?) and this character's evolution more than any other's reflects this sea change. That's right, ladies, it's Anonymous Party-goer #5!


All you have to do to get her look is to get a militant black turtleneck (we love this cashmere one from J. Crew!) and serve as a plot device to open the eyes of a white person! Add some vintage dangling earrings from ebay or Etsy and, Voila!, you are ready to sit-right-in!

We hope these tips have been helpful for you to get these vital historical looks. And remember, you're only as beautiful as the fictional character you are trying to emulate through your clothing purchases! So pick someone good-looking!


Monday, October 18, 2010

damn you, andrew cunanan!!

dries van noten spring 2009 windowpanes (love you forever)


prada spring 2011 neon art nouveau


vintage atelier versace by gianni versace

ugh, so feeling vintage neon versace right now. rent boys are always taking away our most precious gifts.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

this is everything

how had i never seen this OFFICIAL (?!) video for the remix of mary j. blige's 'everything'?! it is seriously INSANE.

from 1997!! it looks like the impetus for the visual aesthetics of everything from paper rad to kingdom to tim and eric. this shit should be in the permanent video collection of the new museum.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

CSO: Miami

i know you guys are used to seeing me in leather harnesses or see through shorts or jazz shoe platforms or other such ridiculousness, but every once in a while i have to pretend i'm a professional. and i have to say, i look fuckin' amazing in a suit.
ralph lauren black label suit / +J shirt / j.crew tie / johnny farah briefcase / jil sander shoes

you would trust me with your stock portfolio and your wet orifices, right?

ps. i got that suit for SUCH A DEAL at saks a couple years ago. something like 80% off. you could say i'm a MAXXINISTA (but please don't, because i would have to cut you open and vomit into your intestines).

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

the past is prolapse

nothing says luxury like two puckered anuses/vaginas.

providing easy, tight, hot access to the contents of your bag. marchesa is PISSED that they didn't turn their dress into a bag. helmut lang is flipping over in his all black leather dungeon grave (he's not dead, he's just top/vers).

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

i know what i want for christmas

i'm just going to add this flesh colored jock-strap with the word WOOF embroidered onto it to my e-wishlist and you can decide which holiday you'd like to buy it for me for.

for your kindness:

Thursday, October 7, 2010

league of their own

hi guys! i have a guest blog post up at and would really appreciate it if you enjoyed it! it's about getting that great ivy league style from the movie.

please enjoy!

also, as a partial rejoinder to part of my post, go look at streetetiquette's amazing black ivy project.

Monday, October 4, 2010


i don't think it's a coincidence that i purchased a harness right when my rekindled obsession with vintage helmut lang has reached a peak. considering that his holster collection was a MAJOR fashion moment for me as a teenager, it's not that surprising. this ad (or an ad very similar to this one, i can't recall) figures VERY prominently in my teenage conception of what it was like to be a cool new yorker:
Helmut Lang fw2001

i know people like bliss lau and norwegian wood and zana have been doing fashion harnesses forever now, but i didn't really want it to be so "FASHION" you know what i mean? as i was telling chrissy, i didn't want my harness to ELEVATE a look; i want my harness to TAKE DOWN and DEBAUCH my look. that's why it had to be the real deal, the kind that someone who owns a t-shirt with a picture of a can of crisco on it might wear to the eagle. it's so much grosser that way.

anyways, this weekend i had a REALLY GOOD TIME figuring out ways to wear it. it makes things that i'm scared look too cool and of-the-moment look just odd enough that i don't feel like such a trend-whore wearing them. plus, it makes me stand-up straight.

like this tiny-collared comme des garcons oxford and tiny ll bean children's raincoat. i'd feel like such a williamsburg cliche if i wore this outfit without adornment, but adding the harness makes it feel slightly subversive and less straight-forward. like i'm a sadomasochistic exeter prefect who invites schoolmates onto my yacht and tricks them into coming into the below-deck dungeon.
harness! 003

it also helps take things that are way too big for me (like this surplus anorak) and give them a shape. as much as i hate the advice to "just belt it!", i actually appreciate it in this case.

finally, it just makes some things look fuckin' ridiculously awesome like this +J uniqlo wool felt blazer.

that looks fuckin' fantastic. i really don't care if some people think i look retarded. i think it's funny/great.

ps. i wore the first outfit to work on friday because i'm a retard? hahahahahaha.

Friday, October 1, 2010

good idea / bad idea

i have to say, i was a little mixed on dries van noten this season. some of it i thought was amazing. i don't even mind when he goes minimal on the prints. it's refreshing enough to see him play with silhouettes when he does it right. but this season was just a little bi-polar. some looks were phenomenal, taking interesting ideas and translating them into wearable, beautiful clothes. other times, he seemed to take the same thought and carried it to a really ugly resting place.

it reminded me of that old animaniacs interstitial called "good idea, bad idea." some of you kids may be too young to remember this, but here is a refresher:

so i thought i'd do a good idea/bad idea for dries.

good idea: using transparent layers to give visual interest to a plain white shirt dress.

bad idea: using transparent layers to give visual interest to a plain white pair of boobs/outfit you'd wear to ibiza with a wicker cowboy hat.

good idea: using an oversized jacket to cut an elongated look.

bad idea: using an oversized jacket as a cover-up for your walk of shame after you've elongated a football player's cut penis.

the end.