avant dad

since i've taken to wearing tight, slutty polo shirts on top, i always feel like i should loosen it up on bottom.

thrift shorts / uniqlo polo / sambas / johnny farah bag / lanvin sunglasses / twink hair

i got these HAGGAR dad shorts when i was thrifting in the american southwest a couple weeks ago. normally, i would cuff the fuck out of these to make them look like raf 2007(?) diaper shorts, but i decided to let the dad-ness of them BE. they're as free as a bird now. and this bird you cannot convince to let you get a tattoo before your 18th birthday.

i don't want to grow up, i'm a helmut lang kid

one of the first designers (aside from hussein chalayan) i REALLY got into was helmut lang. now, this was helmut lang before helmut lang became an edgy Theory. this was when the man, helmut lang, actually designed the line. this was the mid-late 90's at the epoque of NY urban slightly futurist minimalism and helmut was the KING of downtown cool. i remember one day when i was in high school at the suburban mall where i grew up seeing a bunch of good looking dudes wearing plain crew neck sweaters and super stiff dark dark dark denim jeans with giant cuffs at the bottom and thinking they were SO COOL (this was probably like 1996 or 1997). they were probably wearing helmut lang jeans.

ANYWAYS, since i've been miserable all the time for the last couple years, all i do is dwell in this perpetual nostalgia for when i was in high school. it's sick, but it works. now, since i have a job and make a decent living, i've been able to purchase the things i worshiped but couldn't afford in high school. to escape the total all-encompassing gaping maw of misery that is my life today.

things like this vintage helmut lang briefcase:

it's basically a black leather redweld with handles, but it's SOOOOOO good. it's everything i thought a hip new yorker would have in the late 90s: dark, sleek, slightly impractical, forward, totally perfect. it's a bit odd to have nostalgia for someone's idea of what the future would look like, but that's where i am right now. i plan on carrying it whenever i need exactly two pieces of paper (because it's about all it can fit) or when i want to pretend like i'm one of those super cool boys i stalked into the j.crew at the mall in high school.

rimshots

if you know anything about me, it's that i do not tend to do "total looks." even for designers that i love, i like to break up their pieces with other things. for example, i'd feel really weird wearing a jil sander suit, a jil sander shirt, a jil sander tie, and some jil sander shoes. i'm sure it'd look fine, but it would just feel icky to me. i was talking to some friends at the fag bar about this this weekend and mentioned that i had bought some rick owens drop-crotch basketball shorts at the IF basement sale and how it was weird because i don't really think of myself as someone who does the rick owens thing. people who like rick owens tend to REALLY like him (and similar designers) and often end up in head-to-toe rick owens (or rick owens lite (i'm looking at you, rad by rad hourani by gareth pugh x damir doma for kai aakmann)) (the dudes from superfuture dubbed these guys goth ninjas, which is about right). and these dudes tend to look really cool, it's just not my thing. mostly because i'm like 3" too short to wear head-to-toe rick owens, and 4 shades too tan (although i guess the black dude from atelier is way tanner than i am).

anyways, this is all to say that i was having a hard time figuring out exactly how to wear these shorts b/c rick owens really DOES lend itself to a total look more than other designers (except his jackets, which lindsay lohan seems to have no trouble pairing with j brand jeans and a chanel purse). so i decided to play up the avant faux sportiness of the shorts and simultaneously play DOWN the sportiness by throwing in a briefcase. y'know, isiah thomas does hostile takeover.

rick owens basketball shorts / thrift detroit pistons t-shirt / sambas / vintage helmut lang briefcase

insipid, right? i love how STUPID i make the shorts look. like i know rick owens is supposed to be kinda AVANT GARDE SERIOUS, but if you're going to base some ridiculously overpriced shorts on basketball gear, it's fun to deflate some of the seriousness. and anyways i kinda think rick owens really DOES have fun with his clothes and it's just his fans that inject this hushed reverence over his clothes. or maybe i'm wrong. either way.

ps. that is my new amazing briefcase i won on ebay, with a full post to come. in the mean time, here's a sneak peek.

pps. it has also occurred to me that i'm overthinking all of this and that i really just like to throw on retarded clothes that don't match. not outside the realm of possibility.

1990s three ways

neo-70s: versus s/s 1996 (looking straight miu miu)

courtesy of male model retro.

future minimalist: helmut lang circa 1997 (always)

straight glam nostalgia circlejerk: juergen teller fall/winter 1993 (vogue hommes):

been thinking about you

give you good lovin' through the summertime, winter, spring, and fall

the weather cooled down last week and everyone in the city flipped out because we're all sick of this fuckin' ridiculous heat. so much so that i took to wearing fall jackets even though it was still like 80 degrees out. so i had to balance the fact of a jacket with the brevity of some short shorts.

acne jacket / uniqlo polo / slashed patrik ervell shorts / dries van noten shoes

i know it's just transitional dressing, but i feel kinda like one of those creepy half-man, half-woman costumes. i do like, however, that it looked like i was wearing no pants from behind.

ps. i've gotten pretty re-enamored of these dries shoes again. back in rotation.

pps. sorry i've been dressed so boringly lately. the heat has been getting to my head. that or syphilis.

surprise, surprise, areola surprise!

oooh, ladies. i'm PRETTY excited. i just got a vintage helmut lang tank top in the mail and i'm PRETTY psyched to wear it. even though i keep on swearing off slutty tanks, this one is PRETTY special.

SURPRISE!!


i kinda plan on wearing it with nothing underneath. yes/no?

considering that i FETISHIZED every helmut lang collection from the ages of like 15 to 20, the fact that i could have something from the cut-out collection some 7 years later is like some kind of nostalgia wet dream come true. god, everyone over the age of 25 is so easy to market to: just make them remember what they were into when they were teenagers that their parents wouldn't let them buy then make it available to them at some price point commensurate with their newly earned buying power. so much profit$$$/arli$$.

UKNOWHOWWEDU

this editorial with georgie baddiel in the september elle is fucking perfect.

via fashinfags.

from the "natural" lighting to the bahamadia hair: PERFECT. honestly, it's nice to see the "new ladytime minimalists" like celine, reed krakoff, etc. on a non-white model in a non-sterile studio/well-lit horse stable. it brings an extra-freshness to what could feel a little cold. vogue better bring it.

ps. classic bahamadia:

unplugged / stick it in me

hi guys. just want to leave these videos of lou barlow playing acoustic versions of sebadoh songs from 1995 when he was the dreamiest dream boat and my ideal indie rock teen cream dream team.




oh, lou. you can skull me anytime you want.

slutty mayflower descendant

i'm trying REALLY hard (and mostly failing) to back off slutty tank tops for the rest of the summer (even though my clavicles are MAGNIFICENT). it's just way overdone and i like to be contrarian to my detriment. in addition to wearing see-through shirts (and contemplating see-through shorts), i've started to rely on a really easy gay-slutty crutch. a classic, really. tight polo shirts and khakis, a la post-lumberjack castro clones:

fred perry polo / patrik ervell sample shorts (that i slashed and cuffed) / sambas / street fair bag

some queer historical background for you kids:

The Christopher Street or Castro Street clone "look" was an urban street fashion that became synonymous with the 1970s urban gay lifestyle, particularly in New York and San Francisco, and reached its zenith and self-parody with the disco group Village People...The basic look consisted of a body-hugging ensemble--plaid shirt or tight-fitting T-shirt, tight-fitting 501 (button-up fly) blue jeans, sneakers or construction boots, a hat or cap, an earring, and facial hair, usually a mustache. The uniformity of the look and fact that the look was worn as a uniform (to signal "gay and proud") led to the epithet "clone," as if every individual were an exact copy of some original "liberated gay man"-- 5'9", 29-inch waist, 20 year old, gay white male (GWM).

. . .

The clone look embraced a range of variations...With the newer trend of gym-toned bodies, variations highlighted the sculped male form--athletic shirts, polo shirts (preferably bearing the trademark Izod alligator), with gym shorts, cutoffs, or fatigue or painter's pants.

Haggerty, G. E. (Ed.) (2000). Gay Histories and Cultures: an Encyclopedia, New York: Taylor & Francis. (pp. 200-01).

can you tell i've been reading tales of the city again? i'm kinda way into it. this version is a slight variation of the variation: preppy castro clone missionary back from Peru with souvenirs for his friends.

ps. if i'm going to do this, i'm gonna really need to up my pec and bicep game.

pps. it's been so long since i've even attempted a scholarly citation. i need to up my Chicago Manual of Style game, too.

the other trinity

things naomi campbell testifying at the war crimes trial is reminding me of:

1. patsy.

2. tammy.

3. lauryn.

vacation photos in which i'm NOT voguing